I heard what I needed to hear

I have been on a path of self-love and becoming a secure woman.  I have started to actually believe the affirmations I've written and actually believe that so much good is around me and coming my way.  I did still have a crap voice in my mind but she's slowly getting quieter and less believable.  Paul wrote me a forgiveness letter.  And it meant so so much

"I am sorry I couldn’t find a way to tell you how I felt . I am sorry I was overwhelmed with anger and it didn’t allow me to see how much you hurt. I am sorry I didn’t hear you. I am sorry I told you I didn’t love you anymore. I wish I could have been more vulnerable and honest with you. I wish I had been in the same space as you when you were open to our love and I was not. Thank you for letting go of the hard times and trying to look back with love . I was there with you but was looking in another direction . After last night I can see how you felt. I hope you continue to take strength in yourself knowing what you feel is just as valid. I am so proud of you for that. I am so proud of how you are growing . I want you to know that you are an incredible human being. So funny. so caring. So sexy.

I read the letter you sent me and the letter I send to the universe. I appreciate you so mush for that. No one has seen me like you have. No one has pushed me like you have. No has listened to me like you have. Most importantly no one has let me share as much as you have. Your part in my life will move me forward forever. I think when I asked for peace I was asking to be free of regret. I can accept all that we have been through and know it’s part of the journey. I want the best for us. I wish us both joy and love whether with each other or someone else. I know the gratitude is there for the both of us. I wish we could be free from insecurities and guilt that we have put on each other and ourselves. I know we are in a familiar but altogether new place. I would not want to be in this place with anyone else but you."

I don't know what is going to happen but I am opening myself up to the idea of getting back together.  I've never stopped loving him and we truly have stayed close friends throughout.  I know I could count on hime for anything.  But also the biggest thing is that he seems to be accessing feelings that previously seemed inaccessible.  He can empathize and apologize and accept being wrong.  It's a huge place of growth and regardless of what comes I'm so proud of him.